I’m finally onto the 5th month of withdrawal! Hooray~ 🙂
During my absence on this blog I’ve been spending my new year quietly at home while mentally preparing myself for the Bangkok trip that lasted from 3rd to 8th Jan. I would normally be rather elated at the thought of going overseas, especially Bangkok, because it’s a shopping paradise! However, it was definitely a bad and disastrous trip for me. My skin screamed badly to be back home ever since I boarded the plane to Bangkok as the plane environment was super dry which irritated my skin badly. Also, I failed to take into consideration of the fact that my hotel room would not be as humidified as the environment I experience back at home. As a result, I suffered a lot along with my skin throughout the entire trip. Who can I blame but myself for my own negligence. Sigh. I guess I made the trip rather unenjoyable for my family as well as they saw how I suffered during the trip and they had to sacrifice their shopping time so that I could stay in the hotel room, specifically the bathroom where it has the most moisture in the air, and let my skin take a breather.
During and after the trip I’ve thought through quite a lot, and as a result I am currently not moisturizing my skin with any creams, balms, in hopes that it would make the itch more bearable for me to handle as I attempt to study from home for the new semester. I was always tempted to give moisturizer withdrawal a try but I refrained myself from doing so because I had to step out of my house pretty often and I thought that going through moisture withdrawal would make it unable for me to go out with my dry skin. However, I know that my skin could no longer tolerate the moisturizer as it would always itch crazily whenever I apply moisturizer to moisturize my skin. Hence, I finally resorted to stop using all moisturizers. I’m currently on my third day into moisturizer withdrawal and I am pretty happy with my decision. My skin feels less itchy, and I could sleep pretty well at night without having to sleep through the itch. However, I think I became more afraid of getting in touch with water as a result. After I showered the day before, the crazy itch sensation came back and hit me real hard. So I’ve decided to just shower once every few days if I’m not going out. Haha it’s really an irony when I come to think about it because I used to be a clean freak in the past but now I’m doing whatever it takes to stop my body from feeling the itch even if it means I have to make myself “dirty” to do so. But at the current stage, my priority is definitely itch >>>>>>> cleanliness. Who cares about being clean if I can’t stop scratching my body while keeping my body clean. I definitely can’t get any tasks done while I’m itching like crazy and I am determined to do well this semester.
Today’s also the start of a new semester! Let’s hope that I get to start and end this semester right~ 😀
(image taken from: elephantjournal.com)
I remember myself mentioning how stressed out I was in a lot of my previous posts, and I feel that I was depressed most of the time. I could hardly bring myself to smile. There simply wasn’t any reason for me to smile at all. Tears kept falling despite my futile attempts to keep them from falling. Therefore, this prompted me to seek of ways to bring myself out of my depressed days and to lead myself back to my happier self again. I believe that I’ve found a way that can guide my way to happiness again, and that is, gratitude.
Gratitude, the art of being thankful, may sound like something that can be accomplished easily. However, many people tend to take things that they already have for granted as they are fixated on the things that they wish to own or achieve. Along the way of struggling with my tsw symptoms, I’ve gained a lot of negative attitudes that were definitely harmful to my psychological and physical health. I often see the world as dark and frustrating, and in fact, this thinking did change my world for the worse.
We were not born with gratitude. Gratitude needs to be practiced. Practicing gratitude everyday would allow one to focus on thinking of the positive things that happened for the day and thus, invading your thoughts with more positive vibe. Gratitude changes the way we see things; it changes our perspective of our situation.
The video below highlights on the importance of being grateful for each day of your life:
“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”
I guess I have been taking too many things for granted. Therefore, it is time for me to start being grateful for everything around me, be it how tiny or how large it could be. I’m going to start by keeping a gratitude journal, and I shall be more expressive when I appreciate the things people around me do.
Let me start my first gratitude journal entry by listing three things that I am thankful for today:
- Woke up in the morning without feeling irritated or grumpy.
- Went out with my mom for lunch and enjoyed my walk under the sun. The first time I wasn’t bothered by stares and I wasn’t trying to see if anyone was staring at me.
- Indulged in some delicious food I haven’t had for a looooooooooooooong period of time. Traditional beancurd and beancurd tart ❤
(image taken from: http://freespiritualquotes.com/spiritual-quotes-about-courage/)
Haven’t been updating for days and that’s mainly because I was trying to cope with my monthly flare by watching movies and variety shows either on my mac or through the television. There are actually many times during this past 4 months where I’ve questioned myself whether it was the correct decision for me to handle tsw now and every single time my reply would always be: “I would rather suffer now than to pick another ‘correct’ timing because I would never wanna apply steroid creams onto my skin again after knowing how deadly it could be under a prolonged usage”. I just couldn’t bring myself to think of steroid creams without cursing internally.
These past four months have been hell, and even until days ago, I was still feeling depressed about my condition. I really hated how tsw has brought out the most pessimistic and vulnerable self out of me and how I was aware of that but couldn’t do anything to get myself out of it.
So today while watching the television, I heard someone mentioning about courage and how courage isn’t how you avoid fear but how you confront it. The exact quote which I’ve found online is as follows:
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
After listening to what the person have said during that TV show (my short-term memory refuse to let me recall exactly which show was it), I became a teeny weenie bit more comforted despite the presence of my flare. And that is considered very admirable considering how much negative thoughts I would have at every second of the day. I know it is not doing any good to my condition yet there were many circumstances that led to me constantly being pessimistic. I hope this short holiday would be a good chance for me to get rid of all the bad thoughts and to buck up. A lot of courage will be needed for me to win this battle but I am always ready to face anything that comes along in the way.