Sixty seconds – Chapter 7

Just a quick update while I’m waiting for my lunchtime before I head for school: 

1. Skin is getting better. My chinese new year break was pretty awesome with my skin getting a lot better than before after applying a tcm cream recommended by one of my dad’s colleagues. I’m still going to reserve my thoughts on this cream though, I’m going to apply this for another two more weeks until my wounds heal so that I could stop using the cream fully to see if there are any adverse effects. 

2. Hair is falling in crazy amounts. This has been going on for weeks and my originally thick hair has become so thin and fragile that I simply don’t know what to say. The thing is, my scalp is not longer dry and flaky but oily. I don’t know if I should increase the frequency of washing my hair or do something else about it. 

Generally those were the major things that happened for the month. I am also busy with my revision for midterms for the past week though I wasn’t entirely productive. But now that I am feeling better, I should be focusing more on my academics so that I can do well for this semester and catch up with my grades while I still can. 

That’s all for now! 

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Sixty seconds – Chapter 6

6 months into tsw! A pat to myself on the back for enduring 6 months of ups and downs. The most dramatic 6 months of my entire life so far and more to come. I think I’m gonna stick to one post per month format from now on because I’m trying really hard to juggle between my schoolwork and keeping myself stress-free at the same time.

For the past few days I’ve been working hard in planning a good friend’s 21st surprise and today’s gonna be D-DAY! I’m excited yet anxious at the same time because I’m not sure if she’ll like the surprise but it has been a long time since I’ve done something for a friend so I’m quite pleased with myself for that. 🙂 Regardless of what happens later today, I’m so gonna work hard to catch up with my schoolwork during the weekends. I haven’t been able to study much because my brain and heart was so preoccupied by this surprise event. I really hope she likes it. *crosses fingers*

Back to my skin, nearly a month into moisturizer withdrawal, my skin looks dry in general but my arms are generally faring better in terms of dryness. Of course my skin still itches everyday and there are times where I feel better and times where I feel miserable. But generally, I am not that afraid to head out anymore but I still can’t sit for long because my thighs would start heating up and the itch would follow right after. My skin still itches when I sleep but generally I could sleep slightly better than before. At least it does feel like I’ve gotten some rest unlike a month ago where I feel like a zombie due to the major lack of rest. I’ve been dropping lots of hair though! Hopefully the hair grows back soon before bald patches start appearing.

There’s so much clothes that I wanna buy but I’m holding it all in because my skin is still quite sensitive to lots of material. Can’t wait for my skin to be able to tolerate them though because I need new clothes badly 😭

Was initially in a bad mood before I started writing this post. But at least I’m glad that I’m updating my blog! On a side note, I’m trying to keep up with the hobby to read. I read whenever I’m traveling outside and there are so many good books to read! For a start, I’m aiming to finish reading 20 books by the end of the year! Hopefully I’ll be able to exceed that aim haha.

I shall end off the post now because it’s time to sleep! Here’s hoping that today will be a good good day! 🙂 cheers!

Sixty seconds – Chapter 5

I’m finally onto the 5th month of withdrawal! Hooray~ 🙂

During my absence on this blog I’ve been spending my new year quietly at home while mentally preparing myself for the Bangkok trip that lasted from 3rd to 8th Jan. I would normally be rather elated at the thought of going overseas, especially Bangkok, because it’s a shopping paradise! However, it was definitely a bad and disastrous trip for me. My skin screamed badly to be back home ever since I boarded the plane to Bangkok as the plane environment was super dry which irritated my skin badly. Also, I failed to take into consideration of the fact that my hotel room would not be as humidified as the environment I experience back at home. As a result, I suffered a lot along with my skin throughout the entire trip. Who can I blame but myself for my own negligence. Sigh. I guess I made the trip rather unenjoyable for my family as well as they saw how I suffered during the trip and they had to sacrifice their shopping time so that I could stay in the hotel room, specifically the bathroom where it has the most moisture in the air, and let my skin take a breather.

During and after the trip I’ve thought through quite a lot, and as a result I am currently not moisturizing my skin with any creams, balms, in hopes that it would make the itch more bearable for me to handle as I attempt to study from home for the new semester. I was always tempted to give moisturizer withdrawal a try but I refrained myself from doing so because I had to step out of my house pretty often and I thought that going through moisture withdrawal would make it unable for me to go out with my dry skin. However, I know that my skin could no longer tolerate the moisturizer as it would always itch crazily whenever I apply moisturizer to moisturize my skin. Hence, I finally resorted to stop using all moisturizers. I’m currently on my third day into moisturizer withdrawal and I am pretty happy with my decision. My skin feels less itchy, and I could sleep pretty well at night without having to sleep through the itch. However, I think I became more afraid of getting in touch with water as a result. After I showered the day before, the crazy itch sensation came back and hit me real hard. So I’ve decided to just shower once every few days if I’m not going out. Haha it’s really an irony when I come to think about it because I used to be a clean freak in the past but now I’m doing whatever it takes to stop my body from feeling the itch even if it means I have to make myself “dirty” to do so. But at the current stage, my priority is definitely itch >>>>>>> cleanliness. Who cares about being clean if I can’t stop scratching my body while keeping my body clean. I definitely can’t get any tasks done while I’m itching like crazy and I am determined to do well this semester.

Today’s also the start of a new semester! Let’s hope that I get to start and end this semester right~ 😀

Sixty seconds – Chapter 4.2

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Merry Christmas everyone!! Hohoho it’s the season for everyone to spread their joy and love ❤ Although my family doesn't really celebrate christmas, it remains as one of my favourite holiday because I love the ambience that comes along with this festive season.

Also, sorry for the lack of updates for this month! I've been trying to spend my holidays wisely by watching lots of shows and playing lots of mobile games haha. 😅 My condition has been quite manageable although I am experiencing similar symptoms as the previous month. But I suppose the absence of schoolwork made it a lot easier for me to handle the withdrawal symptoms. I am actually shedding a lot of skin right now and I am still unable to sleep well for the past month but I am generally happy.

However, as the holidays is coming to an end soon, it means that I'll have to handle my academics once again for another semester. To be frank, I am slightly worried if it would turn out to be another semester 3 which was disastrous if I were to describe that semester in a word. I received my exam results yesterday, and although I fared a lot poorer than the previous two semesters, I am thankful to have passed all my modules. That being said, I can't help but to wonder how would my grades be if I didn't have to go through such ordeal. I hope that this makes me more motivated to do well next semester. Even though I would have a lot lesser time everyday to study, I just need to make those short study time as productive as possible.

Sixty seconds – Chapter 4.1

IMG_0541.JPG(image taken from: elephantjournal.com)

I remember myself mentioning how stressed out I was in a lot of my previous posts, and I feel that I was depressed most of the time. I could hardly bring myself to smile. There simply wasn’t any reason for me to smile at all. Tears kept falling despite my futile attempts to keep them from falling. Therefore, this prompted me to seek of ways to bring myself out of my depressed days and to lead myself back to my happier self again.  I believe that I’ve found a way that can guide my way to happiness again, and that is, gratitude.

Gratitude, the art of being thankful, may sound like something that can be accomplished easily. However, many people tend to take things that they already have for granted as they are fixated on the things that they wish to own or achieve.  Along the way of struggling with my tsw symptoms, I’ve gained a lot of negative attitudes that were definitely harmful to my psychological and physical health. I often see the world as dark and frustrating, and in fact, this thinking did change my world for the worse.

We were not born with gratitude. Gratitude needs to be practiced. Practicing gratitude everyday would allow one to focus on thinking of the positive things that happened for the day and thus, invading your thoughts with more positive vibe. Gratitude changes the way we see things; it changes our perspective of our situation.

The video below highlights on the importance of being grateful for each day of your life:

“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”

Eileen Caddy
I guess I have been taking too many things for granted. Therefore, it is time for me to start being grateful for everything around me, be it how tiny or how large it could be. I’m going to start by keeping a gratitude journal, and I shall be more expressive when I appreciate the things people around me do.
Let me start my first gratitude journal entry by listing three things that I am thankful for today:
  1. Woke up in the morning without feeling irritated or grumpy.
  2. Went out with my mom for lunch and enjoyed my walk under the sun. The first time I wasn’t bothered by stares and I wasn’t trying to see if anyone was staring at me.
  3. Indulged in some delicious food I haven’t had for a looooooooooooooong period of time. Traditional beancurd and beancurd tart ❤

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Sixty seconds – Chapter 4

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(image taken from: http://freespiritualquotes.com/spiritual-quotes-about-courage/)

Haven’t been updating for days and that’s mainly because I was trying to cope with my monthly flare by watching movies and variety shows either on my mac or through the television. There are actually many times during this past 4 months where I’ve questioned myself whether it was the correct decision for me to handle tsw now and every single time my reply would always be: “I would rather suffer now than to pick another ‘correct’ timing because I would never wanna apply steroid creams onto my skin again after knowing how deadly it could be under a prolonged usage”. I just couldn’t bring myself to think of steroid creams without cursing internally.

These past four months have been hell, and even until days ago, I was still feeling depressed about my condition. I really hated how tsw has brought out the most pessimistic and vulnerable self out of me and how I was aware of that but couldn’t do anything to get myself out of it.

So today while watching the television, I heard someone mentioning about courage and how courage isn’t how you avoid fear but how you confront it. The exact quote which I’ve found online is as follows:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

After listening to what the person have said during that TV show (my short-term memory refuse to let me recall exactly which show was it), I became a teeny weenie bit more comforted despite the presence of my flare. And that is considered very admirable considering how much negative thoughts I would have at every second of the day. I know it is not doing any good to my condition yet there were many circumstances that led to me constantly being pessimistic. I hope this short holiday would be a good chance for me to get rid of all the bad thoughts and to buck up. A lot of courage will be needed for me to win this battle but I am always ready to face anything that comes along in the way.

Sixty seconds – Chapter 3.6

Finally ended my third semester in university! Spent my afternoon giving this blog a makeover and I’m pretty satisfied with the outcome 🙂

This week has been an emotional ride for me; broke down twice because of the itch and stress from finals. Even till now, I find it hard to control my itch. It’s just the feeling of having millions of bugs crawling under my skin that drives me crazy. I wished I could stop scratching but preventing myself from doing so only made me broke down in front of my family instead. I hate breaking down in front of anyone and I would always try to bear my tears until I’m alone but this time it was simply hard to prevent those tears from rushing out. Also, the itch forced me to stop my revision totally for one of my paper because of the state I was in at that point of time. As a result, I screwed that paper the next day.

Thankfully, I managed to revise for the last two paper with relatively calmed skin. Right after my last paper though, which was on Thursday night, I started flaring again. Currently experiencing red skin and rather intense itch all over my body. I hope that the duration for this flare would be shorter than the previous flare though since I am not really under much pressure right now. About to catch up with some movies and dramas soon! Yay~

I’ll also be updating my other pages to make them look nicer! Can’t wait 🙂