Sixty seconds – Chapter 4

(image taken from:

Haven’t been updating for days and that’s mainly because I was trying to cope with my monthly flare by watching movies and variety shows either on my mac or through the television. There are actually many times during this past 4 months where I’ve questioned myself whether it was the correct decision for me to handle tsw now and every single time my reply would always be: “I would rather suffer now than to pick another ‘correct’ timing because I would never wanna apply steroid creams onto my skin again after knowing how deadly it could be under a prolonged usage”. I just couldn’t bring myself to think of steroid creams without cursing internally.

These past four months have been hell, and even until days ago, I was still feeling depressed about my condition. I really hated how tsw has brought out the most pessimistic and vulnerable self out of me and how I was aware of that but couldn’t do anything to get myself out of it.

So today while watching the television, I heard someone mentioning about courage and how courage isn’t how you avoid fear but how you confront it. The exact quote which I’ve found online is as follows:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

After listening to what the person have said during that TV show (my short-term memory refuse to let me recall exactly which show was it), I became a teeny weenie bit more comforted despite the presence of my flare. And that is considered very admirable considering how much negative thoughts I would have at every second of the day. I know it is not doing any good to my condition yet there were many circumstances that led to me constantly being pessimistic. I hope this short holiday would be a good chance for me to get rid of all the bad thoughts and to buck up. A lot of courage will be needed for me to win this battle but I am always ready to face anything that comes along in the way.

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