Merry Christmas everyone!! Hohoho it’s the season for everyone to spread their joy and love ❤ Although my family doesn't really celebrate christmas, it remains as one of my favourite holiday because I love the ambience that comes along with this festive season.
Also, sorry for the lack of updates for this month! I've been trying to spend my holidays wisely by watching lots of shows and playing lots of mobile games haha. 😅 My condition has been quite manageable although I am experiencing similar symptoms as the previous month. But I suppose the absence of schoolwork made it a lot easier for me to handle the withdrawal symptoms. I am actually shedding a lot of skin right now and I am still unable to sleep well for the past month but I am generally happy.
However, as the holidays is coming to an end soon, it means that I'll have to handle my academics once again for another semester. To be frank, I am slightly worried if it would turn out to be another semester 3 which was disastrous if I were to describe that semester in a word. I received my exam results yesterday, and although I fared a lot poorer than the previous two semesters, I am thankful to have passed all my modules. That being said, I can't help but to wonder how would my grades be if I didn't have to go through such ordeal. I hope that this makes me more motivated to do well next semester. Even though I would have a lot lesser time everyday to study, I just need to make those short study time as productive as possible.
(image taken from: elephantjournal.com)
I remember myself mentioning how stressed out I was in a lot of my previous posts, and I feel that I was depressed most of the time. I could hardly bring myself to smile. There simply wasn’t any reason for me to smile at all. Tears kept falling despite my futile attempts to keep them from falling. Therefore, this prompted me to seek of ways to bring myself out of my depressed days and to lead myself back to my happier self again. I believe that I’ve found a way that can guide my way to happiness again, and that is, gratitude.
Gratitude, the art of being thankful, may sound like something that can be accomplished easily. However, many people tend to take things that they already have for granted as they are fixated on the things that they wish to own or achieve. Along the way of struggling with my tsw symptoms, I’ve gained a lot of negative attitudes that were definitely harmful to my psychological and physical health. I often see the world as dark and frustrating, and in fact, this thinking did change my world for the worse.
We were not born with gratitude. Gratitude needs to be practiced. Practicing gratitude everyday would allow one to focus on thinking of the positive things that happened for the day and thus, invading your thoughts with more positive vibe. Gratitude changes the way we see things; it changes our perspective of our situation.
The video below highlights on the importance of being grateful for each day of your life:
“Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.”
I guess I have been taking too many things for granted. Therefore, it is time for me to start being grateful for everything around me, be it how tiny or how large it could be. I’m going to start by keeping a gratitude journal, and I shall be more expressive when I appreciate the things people around me do.
Let me start my first gratitude journal entry by listing three things that I am thankful for today:
- Woke up in the morning without feeling irritated or grumpy.
- Went out with my mom for lunch and enjoyed my walk under the sun. The first time I wasn’t bothered by stares and I wasn’t trying to see if anyone was staring at me.
- Indulged in some delicious food I haven’t had for a looooooooooooooong period of time. Traditional beancurd and beancurd tart ❤
(image taken from: http://freespiritualquotes.com/spiritual-quotes-about-courage/)
Haven’t been updating for days and that’s mainly because I was trying to cope with my monthly flare by watching movies and variety shows either on my mac or through the television. There are actually many times during this past 4 months where I’ve questioned myself whether it was the correct decision for me to handle tsw now and every single time my reply would always be: “I would rather suffer now than to pick another ‘correct’ timing because I would never wanna apply steroid creams onto my skin again after knowing how deadly it could be under a prolonged usage”. I just couldn’t bring myself to think of steroid creams without cursing internally.
These past four months have been hell, and even until days ago, I was still feeling depressed about my condition. I really hated how tsw has brought out the most pessimistic and vulnerable self out of me and how I was aware of that but couldn’t do anything to get myself out of it.
So today while watching the television, I heard someone mentioning about courage and how courage isn’t how you avoid fear but how you confront it. The exact quote which I’ve found online is as follows:
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
After listening to what the person have said during that TV show (my short-term memory refuse to let me recall exactly which show was it), I became a teeny weenie bit more comforted despite the presence of my flare. And that is considered very admirable considering how much negative thoughts I would have at every second of the day. I know it is not doing any good to my condition yet there were many circumstances that led to me constantly being pessimistic. I hope this short holiday would be a good chance for me to get rid of all the bad thoughts and to buck up. A lot of courage will be needed for me to win this battle but I am always ready to face anything that comes along in the way.