A few more days before I reach my third month into tsw. Experienced a little of the cool down period that lasted a few days last week before another flare started again on Monday.
What I’ve experienced (& is still experiencing so far):
1. Red inflammed skin all over my body; my skin is pretty red this time round which made me pretty self-conscious as I felt as if I was earning stares from people for my red skin. I am going to start becoming my strict in my diet. Hopefully this slightly more anti-inflamatory diet could help a little for my highly inflammed body.
2. Burning sensation & shivers; I experienced burning sensation on my skin but it was not as bad as what I’ve experienced during my previous flares. Shivering, on the other hand, has been rather tough for me to handle, especially when I am outside. I would shiver whenever I am in class and it’s pretty bad since my body starts shaking rather badly in response. I also came out of my examination hall earlier than desired because I could not tolerate the shivers.
3. Itching; I’ve been itching, but probably not as bad as previous flares. There were times where I felt that I could control the itch but my lack of self-control often leads to major scratching time that is accompanied by skin coming off in scary amounts. My father would keep telling me to stop scratching but I would often end up scratching my skin even more 😦 But I am determined to exert a little more self-control each time my skin itches. I must have more self-control.
4. Very dry skin; my skin is more dry as compared to previous flares. Any moisturizer applied onto my skin would be absorbed immediately. This is pretty irritating when I wear clothes as my dry skin often results in skin flakes that could hook up with the material of my clothes. Also, dry skin equates to my skin being more tight and hard to bear.
I am always more emotional and depressed whenever I experience flare ups. I am not sure if it’s because my flares always coincides with major tests & exams, but I constantly felt that I am letting my parents, my sisters, my friends, and myself down for being unable to tolerate these hardships and concentrate on my academics. This past week, has been extremely tough on me especially. I am constantly tearing (or wanting to tear but kept my tears in as it wasn’t an appropriate place to cry). My academics have suffered tremendously this semester as a result. One slightly cheery information I read on the ITSAN forum was that my flares could be possibly related to my menstrual cycle which I’ve found to be pretty accurate. Thus, once this flare subsides, I would begin my revision early so that I could salvage my grades a little.
Actually I have a test tomorrow but I have been unable to study/prepare for it so far as the moment I start studying, the itch starts. Thankfully tmr’s test is a open-book test so I am content with just a pass for it.
Hopefully my next post would be a more cheery one. I’ve worried my parents so much for the past few months that I felt so guilty about it but at the same time, I felt a little helpless because they do not know what tsw is and despite me telling them about it, they could not understand my decision of stopping topical steroids. Although I completely understand them as they simply thought that topical steroids could end my suffering but I am more keen of getting rid of my reliance on them rather than to seek for a temporary relieve. Hopefully my condition could get better soon because seeing them getting so worried for me has got my heart aching pretty badly. </3