As the haze condition in Singapore is slightly better than it was days before, my skin seems to be getting slightly better from the flare, despite it still being very irritating with the redness, burning & itching sensation.
Enough of complaining, this was meant to be a relatively happy post. Today a busy friend of mine specially came down to my place to drop me some green apples and lemons together with a letter she wrote to fuel my determination which really made my day because my skin wasn’t being kind. So it made me reflect a little on my journey so far..
Ever since I’ve started my journey as a red skin warrior, I’ve never really told a lot of people about my struggles during this difficult period. One of the main reason being that they would not be able to understand what I am really going through and the only way they could make me feel better would probably be cheering me up. However, that was what I did not want to hear during the first two months into TSW. I was extremely depressed during the first two months that I could do nothing but to keep thinking negatively and to hide from my friends in order to avoid interacting with people as I simply did not have the mood to do so.
Therefore… I was glad that I have a friend that didn’t mind my constant complains on whatsapp; I was glad to have friends that were understanding enough to not ask about the change in my skin condition; I was glad to have friends that were helping me to source for ways to heal my skin (although I told them that all I need is time); I was really glad and eternally thankful to know that I have friends that are truly concerned about me even though I feel like a bad friend for not fulfilling my duties as a friend during this period of time. Of course besides my friends, my family, especially my parents, were greatly concerned with my skin condition. I know how it hurts their heart when they see my red & awful skin yet they could do nothing to help me.
It makes me more appreciative of the people and things around me as I realised that I took too many things for granted in the past.
Even though there’s probably still a long way to go before my suffering ends, I feel that the amount of love I received could keep me going despite it being tough and mentally straining.
To all red skin warriors, you are not alone! Even though the tunnel you’re taking might be pitch dark right now, continue to believe in yourself and you’ll eventually walk out of that dark tunnel towards the light. 🙂
The haze makes my skin feels like a living hell. My skin is so red and the burning sensation is so bad that I can’t even sit tight for a short while. I feel bad for always skipping classes nowadays and neglecting my schoolwork but it would normally take me long hours to tame my skin down. Sleeping hasn’t been good for the past few days as well because of my weeping neck and other parts of my body.
I’ve never really disliked any colours but I guess I really dislike the colour red. I am also getting very tired of constantly applying moisturiser and vacuuming my bed on a daily basis because I am a very lazy person. But I can’t afford to be lazy towards TSW. Also, I know that moisturiser hinders the recovery of my skin but that is the only way for me to survive school for this semester. My grades are currently lagging behind so I’m hoping that my skin would at least be kind to me for the rest of October and the entire November in order for me to catch up with my grades.
I really hope the haze would go away soon though. Please…
If I could go to somewhere with good and cooling air.. I miss Korea 😦
It has been two months since I’ve stopped using any steroid creams and frankly speaking, it wasn’t easy. I was angry, depressed, and stressed out.
Every time I felt depressed and hopeless, I have to find a way to reassure myself that, “I am a step nearer to being healthier and happier. So pls hang in there”. There were many times I just couldn’t help but break down in tears because I couldn’t withstand the amount of stress I am receiving. I believe that breaking down isn’t a sign of weakness but a way to get mentally stronger.
The redness of my skin has spread from my inner thighs to my inner calves, arms and knees. For the sake of sparing others from seeing such an undesirable sight, and for the sake of making my skin feel better outside, I’ve opted to wear long sleeves and long pants. Well that’s probably just an excuse to hide my inferiority but people who don’t know my condition are still gonna judge me no matter what. The skin on my neck especially feels very tight when it’s dry so I have to keep moisturising it whenever I have the chance to do so. My thighs are feeling better although the skin there feels and looks weird. But at least it doesn’t irritate me as bad as my arms and neck.
I am also shedding skin badly every time when I touch or rub or scratch my skin. I guess the amount of skin I have shed could have possibly reached around 500g for now? I don’t know when my skin will heal, but recently I’ve experienced so many pitfalls in my life that I think I gotta start finding ways to make myself think healthily and positively. I used to be such a positive person that it makes me much sadder to see myself in such a situation right now.
Hopefully the next post will sound more cheerful than this post! Cheers to a better version of me. Anticipating for that day to come.